Happy & Sad

These days have been tough for me. I couldn't explain why, I already finished my studies and graduated last saturday March 17, 2012.

I Am already a graduate and it's time to face a new beginning. Marching knowing my mom and my sis are on the bleachers, but I am thinking of my father. I can imagine my father's smile on his face, the excitement that he feels after the ceremony but sadly he's not physically around. Missing him makes me weak, and I can't stop missing him coz' I am a papa's bratt girl. It's so much hard for me to continue daily lives without him, without an outlet, without your bestfriend.

I just can't think of a reason, that i'll be the first one to graduate as an eldest daughter and my mom is thinking to work first during my graduation day. All my life, work Is already her priority.

I don't have any choice but to accept it. Well, life must go on in order to make my life a better one... Sometimes, it is on our hands, decisions that are made. We have the choice.

Heaven is where you are now...

Its been months that I haven't post new blogs.
Now its June 13, 2010 01:26am.

What do you always remember when month of June is approaching???
As we all know, Father's day is in and we prepare for that event, thinking what would be the surprises that would be done for our family especially to our dad, our "haligi ng tahanan"

Preparing for that day is not that really tiring because its not preparing for a grand celebration, but preparing for a TIME to spend with the family, PARTY with dads.

In this world, all of us do have DAD, some do have DADs, it's quite amazing to think that why do we have mother's day, father's day... now i realize, it is a reminder to give thanks to them, to let us put them a smile on their handsome faces.

Sometimes, I get jealous with the people who go out with their dad together, throwing jokes with each other, and guide them in their life. I also get angry with the others who don't understand there father and they just take it for granted.

In this planet, we all know that this life we have is just a temporary, some people get to heaven first and some of her/his love ones have still remained.

In my situation now, my dad is not already here, its been 13 years 1 month and 28 days that had past away...

Father's day is approaching, I want to prepare for that day, but for whom? I'm thinking, If he's just here, I'll be tense for the surprises that i would prepare for him. I'll be excited to see his smile on his face.

So sadly, it's just always for whom, for whom, for whom....

but I'll know, He knows what am i posting right now, and he's happy where he is...

"Dad, Happy Father's Day... I know you're in good hands right now together with our some relatives. I know that you're just watching wherever we are, smiling when we are enjoying and we are happy. Dad, I've been always missing you, I Love you (kisses)"-BadZ

If there's a word more than " MISS "

Starting yesterday, I don't know what to to. I wanted to be busy but i do not know what stuff that can make me busy. Computers, televisions, cameras, cellphone can't heal the pain that I'm going through.

Whether the feeling is happy or sad, i can easily think words that can be used but its so hard to type it down, because my eyes are blur, because of tears.

Now, i'm missing someone who was already gone. Someone that I use to call when I have something i wanted or something that i needed.

He is someone who is always there for me.

I'm still a kid at that time when he's gone. Even my mind is very childish, I can say that he was GREAT! THE BEST!

Now, i want something that i admit, not really for the good but i wanted to have an experienced.
I don't want to be dependent in all moves.
I think, when HE is still alive, i maybe don't have problem on this. I may have problem but maybe that is missing HIM/THEM.

Its actually hard to share this with someone, because i'm afraid that they would not listen and just have a reply "OK LANG NA, PART LANG NA SA LIFE".

i just cry myself alone, without letting the people know that I'm REALLY REALLY MISSING HIM SO MUCH!

that's why, the title is " IF there's a word more than "MISS" ", i would use that word just to show how I'm missing HIM so much!!!

Dad, this is for you:

Daddy come back.
I want you back.
Why did you have to go.
It's just not the same without you.
I'm always thinking about you.
Your always making me teary-eyed.
I love you daddy why did you have to go.
I miss you a lot but you obviously don't know.
Otherwise you wouldn't have had to go.
It's hard not to be teary-eyed in church but I'm trying to overcome it.
To imagine, if I'll become a bride someday.
You are not with me walking in the aisle.
Sometimes when I'm all alone and i have time to think.
I think about you and i cry and cry and cry.
Some people think "oh you should be over this"
But then i think to myself you don't know how it feels to be in this pain
or to how hard it is to make it go away.
My head hurts all the time, especially when I'm about to cry.
Its hard to type down these words as tears blur up my eyes.
When i try to speak about you i choke and then i start to cry
I miss you daddy why did you have to go.
BadZ