If there's a word more than " MISS "

Starting yesterday, I don't know what to to. I wanted to be busy but i do not know what stuff that can make me busy. Computers, televisions, cameras, cellphone can't heal the pain that I'm going through.

Whether the feeling is happy or sad, i can easily think words that can be used but its so hard to type it down, because my eyes are blur, because of tears.

Now, i'm missing someone who was already gone. Someone that I use to call when I have something i wanted or something that i needed.

He is someone who is always there for me.

I'm still a kid at that time when he's gone. Even my mind is very childish, I can say that he was GREAT! THE BEST!

Now, i want something that i admit, not really for the good but i wanted to have an experienced.
I don't want to be dependent in all moves.
I think, when HE is still alive, i maybe don't have problem on this. I may have problem but maybe that is missing HIM/THEM.

Its actually hard to share this with someone, because i'm afraid that they would not listen and just have a reply "OK LANG NA, PART LANG NA SA LIFE".

i just cry myself alone, without letting the people know that I'm REALLY REALLY MISSING HIM SO MUCH!

that's why, the title is " IF there's a word more than "MISS" ", i would use that word just to show how I'm missing HIM so much!!!

Dad, this is for you:

Daddy come back.
I want you back.
Why did you have to go.
It's just not the same without you.
I'm always thinking about you.
Your always making me teary-eyed.
I love you daddy why did you have to go.
I miss you a lot but you obviously don't know.
Otherwise you wouldn't have had to go.
It's hard not to be teary-eyed in church but I'm trying to overcome it.
To imagine, if I'll become a bride someday.
You are not with me walking in the aisle.
Sometimes when I'm all alone and i have time to think.
I think about you and i cry and cry and cry.
Some people think "oh you should be over this"
But then i think to myself you don't know how it feels to be in this pain
or to how hard it is to make it go away.
My head hurts all the time, especially when I'm about to cry.
Its hard to type down these words as tears blur up my eyes.
When i try to speak about you i choke and then i start to cry
I miss you daddy why did you have to go.
BadZ