too hard, too unpredictable

As we continue our journey in our daily lives, we experienced some challenges that are hard to understand. Some things that we think it's impossible but then it happened. Sometimes, we expect the unexpected.

Mysterious isn't it???

Well, life is really mysterious. Whether we're in the North, South, East, West of the earth.

In my 18 years of living in this small world. I'd never tried to questioned myself, "When can I have a person that I can call mine and a person who'll say she's mine???" While some of my friends are thinking about that but when it comes to myself, I don't care(haha). Maybe, I'm just so dependent that when a time comes,and ask for that "Crazy Lil' Thing" I can easily have one.

When it comes to that "Thing", I am so "choosy" that if I don't feel that person, He'll be sorry.

I was already a freshmen before, when I had think and ask " Is that person will be mine?"
As days goes by, I enjoyed some memories we had and ask, "what is this I'm feeling, i just can't explain?" We know, nothing is perfect in this world, but in that situation, i can't stop myself from thinking and smiling but it havn't end in a SMILING emotion. I've learned a lot in that "UNEXPECTED"(haha).

Now, I'm already a sophomore, I think and asked myself again the same question when I'm still freshmen but different person. When I see him, I keep on giving him a smile. It just happened very fast that we see each other almost everyday before the resume of the classes.

Honestly, i can't hardly understand what am I feeling right now, I don't like to be texting for whole day, I just want he'll keep on texting me and let me feel that he's there always. I just reply seldomly, but I hope, he would never think that I don't like.

I know,he's missing me right now. and I also missing him right now.

it's too hard because it's unpredictable....
We'll never know it might end tonight, later ,tomorrow, etc.

"I do things, not to let myself expect but I do things, not to regret.
Regrets last forever."- BadZ

If there's a word more than " MISS "

Starting yesterday, I don't know what to to. I wanted to be busy but i do not know what stuff that can make me busy. Computers, televisions, cameras, cellphone can't heal the pain that I'm going through.

Whether the feeling is happy or sad, i can easily think words that can be used but its so hard to type it down, because my eyes are blur, because of tears.

Now, i'm missing someone who was already gone. Someone that I use to call when I have something i wanted or something that i needed.

He is someone who is always there for me.

I'm still a kid at that time when he's gone. Even my mind is very childish, I can say that he was GREAT! THE BEST!

Now, i want something that i admit, not really for the good but i wanted to have an experienced.
I don't want to be dependent in all moves.
I think, when HE is still alive, i maybe don't have problem on this. I may have problem but maybe that is missing HIM/THEM.

Its actually hard to share this with someone, because i'm afraid that they would not listen and just have a reply "OK LANG NA, PART LANG NA SA LIFE".

i just cry myself alone, without letting the people know that I'm REALLY REALLY MISSING HIM SO MUCH!

that's why, the title is " IF there's a word more than "MISS" ", i would use that word just to show how I'm missing HIM so much!!!

Dad, this is for you:

Daddy come back.
I want you back.
Why did you have to go.
It's just not the same without you.
I'm always thinking about you.
Your always making me teary-eyed.
I love you daddy why did you have to go.
I miss you a lot but you obviously don't know.
Otherwise you wouldn't have had to go.
It's hard not to be teary-eyed in church but I'm trying to overcome it.
To imagine, if I'll become a bride someday.
You are not with me walking in the aisle.
Sometimes when I'm all alone and i have time to think.
I think about you and i cry and cry and cry.
Some people think "oh you should be over this"
But then i think to myself you don't know how it feels to be in this pain
or to how hard it is to make it go away.
My head hurts all the time, especially when I'm about to cry.
Its hard to type down these words as tears blur up my eyes.
When i try to speak about you i choke and then i start to cry
I miss you daddy why did you have to go.
BadZ

Only Reminds Me Of You

"Only Reminds Me Of You" is a song that was sung by Juris from the band MYMP.

I open my WMP, to listen to music in order to have melody in a dark silent night.
I'm just chatting with my friend at the same time texting to some people, except for the one. It's just, when the song was about to end, it reminded me of someone, someone whom i've wasted my time.

but even, it went it that way, like a NIGHTMARE, i've enjoyed what had happened. Funny memories from that person is still fresh on my mind and when i'm reminded of that, I keep on smiling. Ü


It's just part of life, well it must go on!

Sometimes, i had questions...

"How Do I live Without You?"-Celine Dion

"How Did I fall In Love With You?"-Backstreet Boys

"How You Means To Me?"

"YOU"-gave me the reasons to live..."TO LOVE AGAIN"
- have brighten my day..."A SMILE IN YOUR HEART
-changed my life ..."YOU CHANGED MY LIFE"


that word "YOU" would be important forever...

and now, it was still
"SEARCHING"...

As you can see, it was based from love songs, but try to listen...
and maybe, you'll be reminded of somebody whom you have wasted your time so much.

And remember some good/bad memories of that person and you end up smiling.

“DON'T CRY FOR A MAN WHO LEFT YOU, THE NEXT ONE MAY FALL FOR YOUR SMILE"-BadZ